my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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