You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize