what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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