time to smoke my breakfast
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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