I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
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the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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