I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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