I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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