So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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