i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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