Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize