It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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