I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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