you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize