they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize