trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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