38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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