but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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