Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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