6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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