I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize