Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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