You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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