she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize