I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize