Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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