Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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