so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry about my life...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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