her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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