dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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