I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
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Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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