What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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