Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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