I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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