Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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