when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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