We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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