Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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