my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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