Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize