is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize