I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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