i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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