I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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