Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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