Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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