My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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