the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize