4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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