So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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