I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize